This song describes my situation

No Comments

Certain parts of this song describe pretty much what I’m going through now. I’d like tho highlight those sentences:

You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart

I tried so hard
And got so far

I had to fall
To lose it all

And I thought things could be different. But I’m just seeing I’m doomed and destined to certain things. 🙁

Last year

No Comments

Last year was completely different of every other year. For the very first time in my life I had courage and discipline to fight for what I wanted. I saw a lot of results, some came very quickly. But certain things are too good to be true. I lost everything twice and in the second time, I also lost my hope, discipline and strength.

From a self-confident, respectable winner I ended up turning into a big loser. I think I was never such a loser in my whole life. My self-esteem is incredibly low and I don’t have strength enough to keep going. Years of being mistreated, repressed and beaten are coming all at once.

I wanna find a reason to continue living. I already know where to find it, but getting there is proving to be very difficult. If I was not totally fucked up, this would be way easier. Unfortunately, even if I get there I don’t know if I will be able to find it. I do have two “artificial alternatives” which might not work at all. Besides, I don’t know how easy they will be.

I also tried to get better slowly, but the society just doesn’t help. The world is full of frustrated people and unfortunately they feel important by smashing people who are weaker than them. My body language, facial expression and way of speaking pretty much advertise that I’m a way bigger loser than they’re. So when I start to get better, a loser comes and fucks my progress up. I’m considering fighting those people back, but unfortunately I’m stuck in a city full of cameras, so this is likely to put me in jail.

I really gotta sort this out quickly. I still have a few resources to keep me alive, but unfortunately I won’t have them for long. If I don’t act fast, I will be unable to survive and will lose quite a lot of opportunities that will be hard to get in the future.

Somewhere in London – United Kingdom

In London

No Comments

So it’s been a few days since I arrived in London. This city is very cool and big, but I don’t think I will stay here forever. My heart is still in Berlin. I will get back to Germany in next year, at least for a few months. I might eventually settle here, but not at the moment. I’m not sure about what I’m gonna do in the end.

London is a very nice city. It’s HUGE, beautiful, exactly the way I like. It has its problems, like the cost of living and crime. For first world standards the United Kingdom is very violent, but I wouldn’t dare comparing it to South Africa, Brazil and some parts of Russia. The salaries here don’t seem to be that high. It seems they’re higher in Germany, at least for IT. A great thing about the UK is that the people here are *VERY* nice. British people are polite and helpful. I’d say they’re even nicer than Germans(which people usually hate, I don’t know why).

In the past few weeks I got to the end of the rope. For years I’ve been carrying several times more weight than I can. So many traumas of years of physical and emotional abuse are now comming. Ever since I smoked weed for the first time, I cannot repress my emotions anymore. Which is good in some ways. I read a couple psychology books in the past, but nothing focused on childhood traumas. Now I’m reading one that’s focused on it and I hope to get over certain things. I’m quite glad to find out certain things. I got a personality that’s not mine. I’m glad I’m not this looser I’m right now. Two nice things I found out is that I’m not hateful and that I’m not macho. In fact, I hate violence. Now it’s time to bring back the rest of my original personality that was lost years ago and start living a normal, happy life.

I’m having a hard time here in London with the money. Pound sterling bills are quite easy to identify, but coins are a pain in the ass. It’s very hard to read their value. All you can see is a HUGE picture of the queen. A classic example of a cult of personality.

FVGetApp, an open source class to get and set default apps

No Comments

I’m pleased to announce the release of FVGetApp, an open source class to get and set default apps on Mac OS X. Say your Cocoa app needs to change the default browser. Not only FVGetApp can change it, but it also can get a list of apps that can handle the HTTP protocol. FVGetApp’s not limited to HTTP and HTTPS. It’s also possible to deal with any other protocol like mailto, ichat and ftp.

You can also deal with MIME types and extensions. So if you created an audio player and you want to let the user change the default app for MP3 files with a click, you will like my class too.

As a plus you can also check if an app can open a certain file.

I developed and tested it on Mountain Lion, but it should work on previous versions of Mac OS X. Adapting it to non-ARC code would take less than 1 minute. You can download a ZIP file containing the class, documentation and a test app by clicking here. To help you to understand the capabilities of this class before downloading the ZIP, here’s a method list:

+(BOOL)isAppCompatible:(NSURL *)appURL withFile:(NSURL *)fileURL;
+(NSDictionary *)appForProtocol:(NSString *)protocol;
+(NSDictionary *)appForMIMEType:(NSString *)MIMEType;
+(NSDictionary *)appForExtension:(NSString *)extension;
+(NSArray *)allAppsForProtocol:(NSString *)protocol;
+(NSArray *)allAppsForMIMEType:(NSString *)MIMEType;
+(NSArray *)allAppsForExtension:(NSString *)extension;

[Quick post]Diet

No Comments

I started a diet on saturday. Basically I’m on a huge caloric deficit(about 1 thousand calories) and am eating almost no carbs. This is how my diet is:

-200 grams of casein(which I absorb about 180 grams of protein)
-50~80 grams of carbs
I’m also taking caffeine. I started from 200MG a day kept increasing the dosage. Yesterday I toke 600MG.
When I started, my belly was 86CM and it’s now 82CM. The bad thing is that there was also some muscle loss. My forearm went from 29CM to 28CM and my arms are like 2CM smaller. Muscle loss is bad, but I can get my muscle back easily once I start working out again!
I think my abs will be visible in about a week! Today I’m going to take a break as I will go out tonight. But I will be back to it tomorrow.


No Comments

Mountain Dew = Shit

No Comments

I still remember a couple years ago when I really wanted to see how Mountain Dew tastes like. It seemed to taste very good. Not to mention that that yellow radioactive appearance seemed way too cool back then. Who knows it can shine in the dark?

Yesterday I wanted to drink something that contains caffeine. Red Bull tastes bad as hell. So I decided to stick with Mountain Dew. The bottle was pretty much like the one in the picture. The taste was strange as hell. Strange to a point I wanted to vomit. I drunk less than a half and thrashed the rest of the liquid(but not the bottle because of Germany’s recycling program). Next time I will get some Coca-Cola and a caffeine pill. lol

John Kerry is another one that should be sent to Guantanamo

No Comments

Secretary of State John Kerry referenced this photograph when making his speech, trying to drive home how awful the Syrian chemical attack was as he tried to convince us why we should go to war. One problem. The picture isn’t even from Syria. It’s from Iraq in 2003. The photographer, Marco di Lauro, said he nearly “fell off his chair” when he saw it was being used to promote a war in Syria.
Via The Angel Clark Show   –   Source

The smartest thing a spammer has ever said

No Comments

What’s going on in Brazil?


People are protesting everywhere in Brazil. And when I mean everywhere, I mean the government is scared to ass.

A couple time ago I contacted Capitalism and The Angel Clark Show and asked them if they would publish a story about the atrocities the Brazilian government is committing. They said they would and I hope they will still do that. The reason why I didn’t write this post before is because I was going to leave Brazil soon, so I thought it would be a good idea to wait as I feared persecution.
I want to make this clear that I was not in the middle of the protests because I intended to leave Brazil. And I didn’t leave Brazil because I got arrested. I was going to do that anyway. I just did it earlier. Instead of March I left in August.
So, let’s start with some facts about Brazil. Brazil is a large, undeveloped country that lacks a lot of infrastructure like electricity supply and cable phones, and that exists even in the biggest cities(in most remote areas of the cities, the main ones don’t have too many problems with that). Most of the country is starving and people are very ignorant in certain areas of the country. When I say ignorant I mean they lack culture, political knowledge and so on. I’m not criticizing them, but those people seem to live in a tribe. Most of them depend on government welfare and most who get money from the government simply refuse to work as they get enough money to eat once a day. Some will even have more children to get more money from the government.

Older Entries Newer Entries