I was such a moron…
May 28
Me 14 Years Old, 2008, 2009, Cocoa, Depression, iPhone, Money, Music, Objective-C, Rich No Comments
Not too much people could say they had the chance to get rich when they were 14. Really. Believe in me or not, I had that fucking chance and I knew that. Not sure if you guys remember, but a couple years ago, as soon as the iPhone App Store came out, there was a lot of people making money on it. I knew that and all I had to do was to learn Objective-C + Cocoa(which I was supposed to have learned a couple months before I found out about the iPhone-made-rich-man). Even if my apps didn’t sell a lot, come on, there were a lot of people willing to invest everything they had on it(even their asses and their souls). So yeah, I had the chance. Mobile platforms have never been my favorites. In fact, I’d write only Mac software if I could. But I knew I had to program for the iPhone.
I started making plans for the money, like moving to Los Angeles, Mountain View, San Jose or San Francisco, buying an iPhone 3G(my dream gadget at the time) and a 17″ MacBook Pro with the best processor, memory and hard drive available. Not to mention other things like buying a Nintendo Wii and go to the mall to spend money(for just one day guys, I have never been so immature to spend a lot of money on shit all the time). I still go to the mall to walk and not to buy stuff. It makes no sense at all, I know.
Basically I was depressed at the time. I was depressed for almost 1 and a half years at the time. This depression lasted for another year. I read some time ago that the dementors from Harry Potter were inspired on depression. If it’s not, it’s would be a great inspiration for such characters. Depression sucks your blood and hope, just like a vampire. I really didn’t know I had depression at the time. Depression sucked my desire to learn how to program for the Mac and the iPhone. I just used to think that I still had time. DAMN! FUCKING DAMN! FUCKING DAMN SHIT! 6 months passed and it became impossible to make money on the iPhone app market. Basically because there was a lot of apps and developers out there(including those in India which will create an app for 140 bucks).
I wonder how my life would be now. While there is a possibility I’d have lost everything due to little experience, there’s a chance I’d pick that up quickly. I’d probably be living in the US right now and who knows what else. I still blame myself for that. Now that I’m an expert on iOS development, the market isn’t that good anymore. A lot of people thought like me, but the difference was that, unlike me, those people actually did something. So now I’m here, a mid-class worker living in Brazil.
So you might be thinking “That was a long time ago, why the hell you’re writing this post?”. It’s not about remembering about that time. It’s about something else. Have ya ever heard that music can bring our feelings back? Right now I’m listening to a song that I used to listen in early 2009, and that brought the feeling back. I feel like I’m still in that year while I’m listening to it.
BTW, I know I shouldn’t talk about suffering from depression in public as most people think people who suffer from depression got schizofrenia and randomly decide to kill people. If you think that, ya should be ashamed of yourself. Depression is just the lack of pleasure of living. If someone who suffers from it kills somebody, it surely will be themselves, not other people. But seriously, I had to write about that.
PS: comments saying depression is the lack of Jesus in my life will be ignored. I don’t need Jesus as I already have the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
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